ah boy and ah ger's foreword
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Monday, September 14, 2009
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Well.. I finally understand the feeling of not knowing another's mind..
I'm trying hard to read your mind now but I can't..
Because you always blog down your feelings..
I then realise how hard you try to read my mind..
Because I do not blog my feelings..
And I do not say out my feelings..
I'm wondering if you will know that I'm going to use back this blog..
But you are smart, and I know you definately will find out..
My thoughts which I wanted to bring across to you always work..
If you feel that reading further will disrupt your life..
Please stop....................
My intention of using back this blog is not to disrupt your life..
Just take it as a form of way for me to release some air..
And the following paragraph will sure have to be related to you somehow..
But do not worry.. I'm not going to say your bad things..
So once again.... If you feel that reading further will disrupt your current life...
Do NOT continue reading....
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I always trying to figure out how my life is going to be..
For the next few days, months, years..
I can't even visualize my further life..
I always envy people who are happily together with their love ones..
But do not even know people are actually envying me for having such a good girl..
A good girl who never give up on me so many times..
A good girl who is always ready to pick me up when I fall..
All this I never realize until now..
Until now.... If the good girl is still ready to pick me up when I fall anot?
I really do not know..
Because this good girl is stupid..
Stupid in the sense that she can get drunk because of me so many times..
Felt so left out by me so many times..
And if this good girl is clever by now..
She would have carry on her happy life without me..
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And I know that I have NO RIGHTS at all..
To ask her back to my arms..
Since 2005.... We have overcome so many obstacles..
But 2009...... Is the GREATEST obstacle which I have to overcome..
And I have to overcome it by myself..
Because this obstacle can only be overcome by me..
I admit that I always do not have the courage to overcome this obstacle..
This obstacle is her mother..
Someone who really entrust her daughter to me..
And yet I failed..
Who in the world will give this idiot a second chance?
I doubt no one will.. And thats why its the GREATEST obstacle for me..
I need to win not only her trust.. But including her mum's trust..
I left too deep and bad impression to her mum already..
And I know I can never be forgive for that..
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To be honest.. Right now... At this particular moment..
In front of me, my table.. Behind of me, my bed..
There are things there to remind me of her..
It not only remind me of her.. But also her presence..
Things for example on my table..
The Mickey Mouse watch, Precious Moment Figurine, 2 Bottles of Candy..
Things for example on my bed..
Monkey heartshape pillow, My favourite monkey, small Donald Duck..
Including yellow fish and small black devil..
Its memories....... Which I want to keep and have more..
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What do I do after see-ing so many things?
I open up my "Memory Box of Her"..
A box given by her.. Which fills with all our past..
And I really feel like crying..
Thinking back at the days we used to be together..
So carefree.. Nothing really bothers us as long as we are together..
I am going to do something really stupid..
Because I am going to take out each and every single thing out of the box..
And write down the thing I see here..
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1) A pair of black gloves...
Jurong ice skating.. We bought it so we can skate together..
2) Kiki & Lala book...
Only last page written by her.. Dated 21/06/2005..
3) Monotone Panda photo book...
Specially pasted our Neoprints.. Dated 03/06/06 to 06/10/06..
4) Four Neo cards...
Imagine how long ago we were together..
5) One stack of thick neoprints..
From the day we dated and not pasted in the book...
6) My first Birthday card from her.. Dated 28/07/05..
One hand-made card with a hand-drawn couple kissing..
7) One hand-made card.. Dated 11/01/05..
Her hand-drawn "mian bao chao ren"..
8) One hand-made Birthday Card.. Dated 28/07/07..
Her hand-drawn us with my arm over her shoulder..
9) One hand-made Birthday Card.. Dated 28/07/08..
Her hand-drawn us with Japanese clothes..
10) One hand-made Christmas Card..
Her hand-drawn me in Santa Claus hat carrying her..
11) One hand-made Anniversary Card..
Her hand-drawn pig and panda with cake..
12) One hand-made 1 Month Anniversary Card.. Dated 04/05/06..
Her hand-drawn me with a crown carrying her..
13) One hand-made Birthday Card.. Dated 28/07/06..
Her hand-drawn me with a panda cap carrying her with a pig cap..
14) One Christmas Card
The very first Christmas Card she post to me by mail.
15) One hand-made Merry Christmas Card..
Her hand-drawn snowman standing with her..
16) Her passport-size photo..
Wearing a hat.. I guess is Kindergarden photo..
17) A Bluish Green Angel key chain..
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Can you see how much effort she has put in?
She is so talented in art..
Looking at all the hand-made cards make me melt..
Not forgeting her hand-made "mian bao chao ren" figurine..
Which physically doesn't last..
But mentally reminds in my mind..
If you noticed all the items.....
Non of them can be bought....
Except for the first one which is the glove..
But only this particular glove can bring me back to the days we ice-skate..
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Dear diary..........
I have no idea how to carry on with the current status..
I have no idea how to win her back..
But I know one thing for sure is....
The feeling never fade...
And I love her still deeply.....
Thanks diary....
Because this is the best way I can express myself...
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Mattias
i am such a fool......
Loving Couples Till The End
@ |3:25 PM|
